Under the Maple Canopy

Singing Union Songs Since 2009

Dear Ms. Know-It-All, (NSFW)

10 Comments

I seldom leave the house all by myself with actual adults.  My solo-excursions are typically limited to errands like the grocery store, and I don’t remember the last time I did that….

Yup, it’s blank.  That can only mean that it was months ago.

I used to go to yoga class, but then the yoga studio closed, and let’s face it, trying to work around my husband’s work schedule pretty much rules that out.  I go to the YMCA and ride the exercise bike not because I have some grand plans for fitness, but because I get to watch TV and someone else watches my kids.  I’ll spin away for 45-60 minutes, sweating buckets because I get the time all to myself and I don’t have to get anyone a drink of water or deal with the whining/bickering/complaining that comes part and parcel with children.

So, when my mom invited me on an outing with my sister, herself, my grandmother, and you I agreed to go.  Heck, I’m not a quilter, was not in the market for fabric, and generally was the wrong target audience for a Quilt Store Shop Hop, but I went along for kicks.  My biggest concern for the day when I agreed to come was that there would be no old lady lunch.

In all honesty, though, I wasn’t that keen on you coming, but figured, “What could possibly go wrong?”  After all, you do have your occasional moments of good behavior.  If you’d learn to mind your own business and stop butting in where you’re not wanted, your good moments would stretch much further.

You see, Ms. Know-It-All, I’ve learned to bite my tongue around you, to try my best to ignore your constant quizzing of my children, and attempt to focus on the positive things about you.  There was that one time when you took my daughter outside at the world’s longest rehearsal dinner and danced with her.  She loved it.  And then there was that time…

That time…

Yeah, so I guess it was just that one time.

You accuse me of not being more honest with you.  Our conflict is my fault because I didn’t tell you that you that you were bothering me.  I ruined the day because I got upset with your incessant questioning about the educational choices I make for my children.  And I did it in front of your friends?!?  How could I ruin Grandmother’s day?  You weren’t even really talking to me!  You were just asking honest questions!  Grandma’s yelling in the parking lot about how we’re all just good, church going Christians!  Oops, just came out as an atheist to the family.  Oh, look at that Grandma took sides again.  Dude, are we still in high school?  Have I entered a time warp?

Lovely.

You want to know why I never tell you any of those things?  Because if I say something it all rolls back downhill on my mother.  You don’t have the guts or the honesty to say any of it to my face.  You quiz her for information and then come after her when I finally tell you to back off.  You make like you’re nice in emails to me and then you’re going after her because it’s all her fault.

Basically?  You’re a passive-agressive know-it-all.

Yes, I know I said there were no hard feelings between us and that I would be happy to see you at the occasional family get together, but that was before you unloaded on my mother.  Again.

Now?


(minus the many, many, many men part, that’s doesn’t really apply)
(and the Facebook part because I’m not on Facebook)

I think that about says it all.  Of course, I’m not sending this to you because you can’t be trusted not to shit all over my mother.  I thought I’d write it here instead.

Sincerely,

Yeah, the husband and I really have no interest in seeing you ever again.

PS – Many thanks to Mrs. G for bringing this song to my attention.  She’s like the best friend a mother like me could ever have.  (Albeit one I haven’t met and have never spoken with outside of the occasional blog comment which should not diminish the role her writing at Derfwad Manor plays in keeping me sane.)  I’m breaking the “never meet someone in real life that you met on the internet” rule for even if I have to beg, borrow, or steal childcare for my brood ‘o children I will be there when she makes her stop in Madison for the Summer Derfwad Tour.  For reals.

PPS – Dad, if you’re reading this, I get all my best inspiration from you.  :p

10 thoughts on “Dear Ms. Know-It-All, (NSFW)

  1. Wow, brave post. I take it Grandma doesn’t read your blog? I think many women will relate to your sentiments about the house trap. So many struggle to find time to themselves without children. We have to do what we can!

    • Nah…She has a computer and internet access (and she tries, but it’s a stretch). They’d have to be *really* looking for me to find me. And if she did? She’d just take Know-It-All’s side again. I think we’re all pretty clear on that.

      Oh, and we absolutely have to do what we can! YMCA bike riding, TV watching, and sweating included. :0)

  2. This post has been totally wasted. I wish Know-It-All and Gma could read it. I am so sorry that you were dragged into such a mess. Unfortunately I was born in it. If I could pick my relatives I would but you know the answer to that one. Personally, I hope I never have to spend time with Know-It-All again but that’s not going to happen either.

    • I do have the advantage of being farther removed from her. I predict we will be very busy in the future doing…stuff… So very busy that we’re just not available! :0)

  3. At some point we make hard decisions that leave former friends behind for our own mental health. Maybe we can re-connect down the road and maybe not. I hate to imagine the stress for you before, during and after such a trip. Been there and don’t want to go there again!

  4. I always wanted my daughters to be strong women. It was not because of a desire to make life difficult for those around them, but to fully enjoy life and create for themselves a space where they want to be. I guess it came from all the things I saw and grew up around. A song says it takes a strong man to be with a strong women. I am proud of you.

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